my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
