All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Randomize
