Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
