Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
