i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
