First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
