"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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