Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
