eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
