happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
