I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
