this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
