that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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