I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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