At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
