I think my vagina is haunted
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
