farters have to be the big spoon...
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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