god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
