I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
