One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
