why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
