Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
