I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
