in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
how do flat chested girls get laid?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
