so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
