You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
