you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
