apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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