so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
