No stitches, just platelets and will power
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Randomize
