my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
