if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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