Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Randomize
