There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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