I'm pants shitting drunk right now
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
