My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
