I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
