can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Randomize