he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
