drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
