I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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