Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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