Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
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