Ambien. No doubt about it.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
