Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
