I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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