From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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