I heard we made out
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
