the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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