I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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