Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
