I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
