Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
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