I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize