I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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