Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
