theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
