If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
