Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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