I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
