my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
