I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
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