Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
