I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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