Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize