I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize