We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
