what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Randomize
