Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
