my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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