I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
