ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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