youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
