Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Randomize
