I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
