And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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