How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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