Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize