Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
