Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Randomize
