it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
