don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
