Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
