i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
