they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
