Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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