Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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