Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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