i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
