yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize