Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
