Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
