he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Randomize