Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize