I think my vagina is haunted
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
