so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
