He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
