I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize